#Just get yourself together, or we might as well say goodbye......
I don't think I expected things with my Dad to be easy. Once we reached Kent, it was a strange feeling. I suddenly realised the world was a big scary place. My Dad is certainly not a sentimental man. What you see is definitely what you get with him. No artificial colours of flavourings! He did however continue to spin this web of lies regarding his relationship with my Mum. If he had just admitted what he did, told me openly that he never once seeked contact, had just picked up another ready made family and moved on, I could have respected him. The fact that ne never did, merely deepened the long standing scars.
His wife, my stepmum was a staunch character. she openly admitted that she came first with my Dad, and that she had told him he would never choose me above her. I can understand her concern. However I can never quite grasp this hard heart in a person. I am so soft natured, I cry at the slightest thing, someone can usually get around me by tugging at my heart strings. She was however quite instrumental in my finally leaving Yorkshire. She had made me realise I was worth better. Although ours was a difficult relationship, I will always be grateful to her for breaking down my barrier, god rest her soul.
Dad and I just kind of get on, nothing deep, nothing special. Just get on. I can never remake those years, I don't want to. I just accept him for who he is and what he did.
My Mum didn't speak to me for several years. I tried, but she would have none of it. As far as she was concerned I should have stayed near her, never left her, and I was no daughter of hers. My Mum as always the victim, never anyone else. No leeway here, no understanding of what drove me to it. When I really felt she of all people should understand.
I never stopped my ex seeing my daughter. I did however want her to be safe. A 2 year court case ensued. Painful, my private life exposed for all to see, ridiculed by people who had no idea, lies, twisted stories, solicitors scoring points. A 4 year old child caught up in the midst of it all. My ex pushed for contact once a month. Not a problem, except that he came down, threatened me with taking my daughter and disappearing to Ireland. Threatened me with violence, and I knew he was capable of it. This was someone I no longer recognised, even though we had been together for 9 years. He was determined I would have no life and would never be free. There was never any violence to my daughter, which is why I never stopped contact, this was at first via a contact centre, eventually for a few hours in London, where I had moved to. Once I filed for divorce he eventually got the message. But then the emotional abuse switched to my daughter. He would cancel plans, put the phone down on her, reduce her to tears. However he remained on a pedestal in her eyes, and I was the bad cop. This I took on broad shoulders, as I was an expert in this by now.
I secured a good job in London, got my daughter in school. All seemed a little more settled. Until the day when the school rang and said my daughter was missing....
# You will never never know me...........#
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